That time I spent over $100k on a 'coach'

And the incredibly expensive lessons I learned (Hint: don't be me)

I still cringe when I see this number staring back at me.

I was sure I would take this ‘secret’ to my grave out of embarrassment and shame.

I can hear my mother screaming at me as she reads this for the time, saying “Imagine how much of your mortgage you could’ve paid off!!!”

But as I step further into my own Portfolio Career, I have been getting messages like “How did you make it work so perfectly?”

And the truth is - I didn’t.

The whole process of launching my Portfolio Career to resigning from my full-time job in February this year took seven years.

I invested a lot of money in the wrong places, at the beginning I didn’t hit the mark with my ideal clients and I believed ‘business coaches’ who told me that I didn’t have to do Sales and Marketing to have a successful business.

Now, can you imagine how embarrassing this is for me to admit? The person who made a 20-year career working with global corporations to launch new businesses. The person who has worked at Europe’s first Healthtech Unicorn & a Climatetech start-up that tripled its revenue and intimately knows how scaling works.

That’s right - I wanted so desperately to believe this.

And essentially paid one coach $100k+ for the privilege to delude me.

Before I go a little deeper into the backstory, I am not sharing this to throw shade on the coach - I was a willing participant, but rather to share the roller-coaster ride you go on when diving into the world of building a company of one - which is essentially what a Portfolio Career is; and the bullshit you can tell yourself when you are trying to hide from the raw facts of what it takes to build something you are truly proud of.

The Backstory

Rewind to 2020, we were all in lockdown, and I was going into my third year of trying to figure out the hell who I was (see here for back, back story).

I had discovered Human Design, I had started Angel Investing and I had become a certified Coach but I was still in the corporate hustle and couldn’t see a clear path out. Yet.

Like the rest of the world at the time - I was spending hours and hours online trying to discover the ‘thing’ that would change my life.

I knew I wanted to launch my own business but I also knew I didn’t want to be another online Life Coach or a Coach, who coached, Coaches to coach, Coaches (aka MLM territory).

It’s important to note that at this time in my life I was considering ejecting myself from corporate altogether. I couldn’t see a world where I found a way to fit in and express all the parts of myself and be accepted.

I had an ‘all or nothing’ mindset - which funnily enough is the exact opposite of the way I think/feel today. The unconventional parts of me are what give me my unique edge!

The Introduction

As one does when undergoing personal evolution, I began exploring a variety of modalities: spiritual books, healers, crystals, tarot, past life regression, mediums—you name it, I tried it.

And I loved most of the experiences. I've always been a skeptical seeker. This means that while I enjoy these experiences, I pride myself on having discernment and not being easily swayed.

I was on the hunt for a business coach with a spiritual twist—someone who could help me unpack the inner work while building an aligned business. My intention was clear: I didn’t want to build a business on shaky foundations, like my corporate career.

Around this time, someone in my network recommended a coach who seemed to fit what I was looking for. Although her website and some of her programs didn’t immediately draw me in, I was intrigued by her approach to building a business in a new way.

She had also been in corporate and, within less than three years, completely transformed her life. She apparently replaced her corporate salary and was now earning seven figures¹ (that should’ve been a warning sign, but yet, I persisted).

The Invitation

This coach seemed to have everything I wanted: freedom, flexibility, a successful business supporting women, and it all looked so effortless.

I decided to try one of her quantum leap-type programmes (I know, I can't stand the term either).

I can’t quite recall the purpose of this ‘container,’ but I remember the spiritual meditations and how she, as a medium, would receive ‘downloads’ to help the group accept flow, more money, and freedom.

To be fair, I enjoyed those sessions at the time. I admired her business and that she hadn’t sold her soul to social media. She seemed to be living the life I aspired to.

So when she ‘exclusively’ (Red Flag) invited me to join her private coaching practice, claiming she was only accepting three high-potential women (which was a lie), and mentioned that one of my best friends in the group was also joining, I felt an overwhelming sense of FOMO.

I didn’t want to be left behind! Again! Story of my life!

She promised that by the end of the year, I would be making six figures without having to do any sales or marketing. All I had to do was cleanse my energy, and I would manifest seven figures, just like her.

When she told me about the investment, I felt the blood drain from my face.

I remember exactly where I was sitting, what I was wearing, and the sensations in my body.

How on earth was I going to afford this?

But she was a medium, and I believed she could see things I couldn’t. So, without much thought or detail, I jumped in.² (yes big cringe but it’s the truth)

The Lessons

Long story short, by the end of Session 1, I knew I had wasted a ton of money and didn’t know how to get out of the situation. I only had 30 minutes with this coach twice a month for six months, yet I was paying over $100k. Whenever I expressed fears about money, I was advised to 'quit my corporate job' to show my energy I was committed. Then, she told me how to set up my work desk according to feng shui principles. I got off the call thinking, “Oh fuck.”

Any normal person would have quit right there (and I know two others who did), but my self-esteem was so low that I thought it was my fault for not asking the right questions.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t launch my business, and I ended up staying in my corporate role for another four years (which I am grateful for).

I would never invest this amount of money in anyone or anything again.

I know some people believe you need to make these types of investments to ‘level up’ and be around the right people, and I agree to some extent. I’m in a Mastermind programme now which is excellent, but it is nowhere near $100k! And these women are also earning close to seven figures (though they don’t lead with this).

Lesson #1 - You Can’t Pay Your Way to Success

Yes, it’s embarrassing to admit, but I genuinely thought that because I was paying a ton of money, I was destined for success.

I wanted so desperately to be ‘saved’ from my corporate existence that I thought I could outsource the problem and pay someone else to solve it for me. But as mundane as it sounds, you need to discern what value you have to offer. In the beginning, you may have to do things for free or cheaper than you’d like to learn through experience what people find valuable versus what you think they will find valuable.

It took me four years to launch The Portfolio Career Club and seven years to iterate, learn, and fail through other business ideas (anyone here remember The Twofeetin Platform?). There have been multiple iterations, learning experiences, and countless hours of hard work, and I wouldn’t change a single moment of it.

Lesson #2 - You can use your Human Design as an excuse to say ‘yes’ to stuff that isn’t aligned (this is called ‘The Not Self’)

There’s a reason why Human Design is called an ‘experiment.’ The guidance states that it takes seven years to decondition all your not-self themes from your design.

I’m not sure about the seven-year timeline, but I do know that I was using my Human Design as an excuse to say ‘yes.’

For example, I am a 3/5 Sacral Pure Generator in Human Design. Technically, my decision-making process is in the moment and relies on the feeling of sacral expansion (a Yes) and sacral contraction (a No).

When I was presented with this ‘invitation,’ I told myself that I felt ‘expanded’ and had energy for the opportunity—that’s why I said Yes.

Well, that was bullshit. If I was being really honest with myself, I felt confused and had a nervous FOMO energy—it didn’t feel clear, and I remember thinking, “I should say Yes or i’ll miss out.”

For a long time, I was using my Human Design as a dogmatic excuse for my poor decisions. In reality, that was my not-self, avoiding tough conversations and being a people pleaser.

This experience changed my relationship with Human Design. I ended up officially studying the system over a 12-month period and began to realise all the ways I was acting in my shadow self. And now I incorporate this into my my own offering.

Lesson #3 - Take accountability and don’t outsource your power.

For a long time, I believed I was a victim of a snake oil salesperson.

But in reality, I had agency, and I was the one who decided to make this investment.

It took me about a year to accept full responsibility and accountability. I had to face the real reason I invested: I wanted to pay someone to make me successful.

I outsourced my power to another person.

Never will I ever do this again in my life. The visceral feeling of what this is like is imprinted in my bones.

Now, when I work with women or if we are on a discovery call and they are deciding whether to work with me, I clearly communicate the details about the programme and the investment. I explicitly say that if this will put you in financial duress—do not buy the programme.

I also work with their unique decision-making process in their Human Design. For example, if they are an emotional decision maker, I never ask them to decide at that moment, even if they want to. I ask them to take 12 to 72 hours to think about it.

I never want anyone I work with to feel the way I did.

If you have a dream, you are the one who is going to make it happen. No one else.

Lesson #4 - Building a life of your dreams takes time.

If you've been hanging around here long enough, you know I love a bit of magic, but I'm extremely practical.

I would be lying if I told you that you could quit your job in January and by February have replaced your full-time income with your Portfolio Career.

Of course, this isn’t unheard of—but it is the outlier experience, not the norm.

I’m not saying this to discourage you or myself. The truth is, it takes time to build the life of your dreams. Sometimes you take missteps, and other times you fall over, but all of these experiences bring you closer to your version of success.

My promise to those who join me in The Portfolio Career Club is that, over six months of consistent work with me, they will launch their Portfolio Careers. I can say this confidently because I have seen it happen repeatedly (notice I DO NOT mention income promises…the hairs on your neck should stand up if someone promises you a certain amount of income!)

The caveat here is that every person who has joined this programme has worked their ass off to get themselves launched. Most of them continue to work a full-time job for core income and have never once outsourced their power to me.

BONUS Lesson #5 - You need to do Sales & Marketing. Period.

If you’re like me and spent 20 years working for brands, you’ll find it challenging to ‘be the brand’ yourself. But that’s exactly what you are when you launch your Portfolio Career.

You are a company of one.

You are the CEO of your own startup. And what do we know about startup CEOs? They spend 90% of their time selling the vision, talking about the value of the company, and growing their audience.

This is no different for a Portfolio Career Builder.

If someone tells you that you don’t need to do sales and marketing to launch your Portfolio Career, they are lying.

1. I now have PTSD when people mention six, seven, and more recently, eight-figure incomes… I know I have to get over it, but if you look at the data, less than 5% of life coaches earn a six-figure income, and an even smaller percentage, likely less than 1%, achieve a seven-figure income.

I don’t write this to discourage you or myself; I simply want to avoid delusion about what is possible. Like many businesses, online or otherwise, those that deliver real value, combined with years of experience and meeting market needs, do succeed.

I have firsthand experience with earning a great income stream for The Portfolio Career Club. While I made an excellent income in my corporate role, I can see a path to exceeding this in my portfolio career. But this came after years of iterating, learning, and delivering value. And the fact that I have multiple income streams, not just my group programme.

2. Do not let anyone push you into financial investment and use techniques like love bombing, saying things like “if you want it bad enough you will find the money”, or making you feel like you are going to be getting some secret code that other people won’t have access to.